I feel compelled to write about something I have no qualifications to opine upon, other than being alive. This need is sparked by a shooter at the Hollywood Farmer’s Market this morning, before much was going on other than the vendors setting up. . . ahem. He had a pistol and was shooting from his balcony. Ah, well, another disturbed person? Yes, probably another casualty of our cruel society that treats people as dispensable, does not bother to educate them with love in beautiful schools, and make sure they are sufficiently and well fed and housed, and are considered with affection.
The thing with toxic masculinity is — to my totally uneducated eye — is that men are insufficiently loved in our society, insufficiently nurtured as full human beings, who can fear, cry, be uncertain, and love. Instead the culture fosters an image of independence, violence, swagger and validation through domination.
I am struck, when I happen upon them, by vehicle ads. Big, hunkering, menacing, crushing and fast. The Dodge ads, about which a lot has been written, are particularly weird. Speeds that cannot be attained without accidents and damage in cities, feats of driving prowess that only a few, extremely well trained racing drivers can execute without going out of control. What is this other than a recipe that breeds more frustration and anger? Anger seems to sell, stoke is as much as you can, sell more guns. And, of course, anger is simply the public face of fear, frustration and unhappiness.
We have just witnessed the idiocy of attempting to be a race car driver in a simple, overpowered passenger vehicle (I think a Dodge, actually), on the new 6th st. bridge in Los Angeles. A firey crash, fortunately no one killed, lots of damage. First the Department of Transportation designs a freeway across the river, replacing a lovely, modest, beloved bridge, then awkwardly adds pedestrian access and bicycle passages as afterthoughts after a lot of push back, (the bike lanes are not even the full length of the bridge, nor protected). Then everyone is surprised when young, male, daredevils take it over and make it into another raceway (among many on city streets in LA). Really? Give them something else to do!
We have certainly not moved beyond vehicle transportation infrastructure as usual, inviting trucks and cars to transgress speed limits since the roads are wide and straight. And with the proliferation of giant vehicles that play to the artificial construction of male superiority by clever ad agencies, we are not moving to a society where everyone feels respected and appreciated, and the likelihood of traffic accidents is lowered.
There is probably an irreducible reality that men are more susceptible to messages of violence and aggression, that they have been society’s warriors, especially young men. But that is to also, accept that humans cannot learn other ways of being, cannot train themselves to deescalate, to manage difference and conflict through words and negotiation. Not every one always wins, and if you are a shooter, you are not winning either, but if, though negotiation, your humanity is acknowledged, your needs are recognized and accommodated as much as possible, then everyone is better off, even if not always a full winner.
The planet cannot take more toxic masculinity, the bombing of cities, the ruining of fields and countrysides, the poisoning of wells and the extraction of petroleum to fuel more consumption of stuff. The random shooting of innocent people by high caliber weapons. We deeply need introspection and a society that is oriented toward enhancing everyone’s well being. Your well being is necessary to mine, and vice versa. This applies to the health of the planet as well. Time to move on, out of this nasty, mean and destructive pattern. There is no reason we cannot, only a lack of will.
